I want your attention!!!

Let's say that one day you meet a person who catch all of your attention. She's (well in my case of course that person is a 'she') pretty, tall, very passionate about God and smart. Whenever that person passes by, your head is automatically become pilot mode as if that person is your destination. You will look him/her in a different way, it seems there's something different in the way you look at that person. And of course, its so obvious that all of your friends can notice it. Have you ever been in that situation? I bet if you are a normal person, you had been in that situation before. Me? Yes of course I had been in that situation before. Having someone who cares and gives attention to you is not a bad thing at all. We are all want that. We are all want to be paid attention of, that's a nature of human...to be a center of attention. Well, there might be some people who don't want to be in that situation obviously. But that doesn't mean they don't get it, yet they get it from themselves e.g. I met some people who loves playing games. Everyday, most of his time were spent in his room playing games. He doesn't like going out with his friends, he doesn't like to socialize...and he's happy to just lock himself in his room playing game. So does that mean he doesn't want attention from anyone? No, he got it from himself. He thought that if he can make himself feels satisfied, why would he need to get it from someone else? Why would he has to try hard so that everyone will pay attention to him? Got what I mean? I hope you do..

Where did I get this concept so that I decide to write about this? It's from this verse, Psalm 33: 18

" But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him,
on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,"

Eyes talk about giving attention. 'I won't believe till I see it with my own eyes!', how many times we heard this sentence? To be honest, I was a person who love to be a center of attention. I want everyone to love me, I want everyone to see good of me, I want everyone to look high of me, I want all of their attention! I want to be famous! And because of that, I was a selfish person. Everything is about me and me only. Whenever I need help from my friends, they HAVE to help me. Whenever I need to borrow some money, they HAVE to lend me some money. However, when they need my help...I would think it twice. I would think it this way: "How will it benefit me if I help him/her?" If it doesn't benefit me at all, I would find some excuses not to help them. Some of you might be surprise knowing this side of me. Well...don't think bad of me first, of course I didn't do that all the time. But, that was one of my character before and there were times I help people without thinking that way of course. But most of the time I did that...hahaha...

When I read that verse, it suddenly brought me back to the 'old my self'. Somehow, God wants me to learn something. He wants me to not depend on any human's attention. He wants me to know that He pays attention to me......IF ONLY I fear Him and my hope is His unfailing love. Yes, there are 2 main points in this verse. You can't expect to be a center of attention when you don't have anything on you right? Same thing with God, in a way.

1. Fear talks about living your life right in front of God and people surround you. It also talks about how we need to always pray, worship, fasting and do our quiet time with Him. Fear in HIm is not something like....a teacher who is very strict to his students that the students are afraid of him. Not something like that. We fear Him not because of the consequences of our sins, but we fear Him because we hate sins. We feel bad doing sins not because we are afraid of the consequences of the sin itself, we feel bad doing sin because we know God hates it. It somehow, breaks God's heart. Not easy to have this kind of life...a life that doing these kind of things I mention above, it requires a commitment of course. Commitment is not merely a word 'yes/no'...its more to be like 'whatever the situation is, I will keep doing it'. No excuses at all.

2. Hope is His unfailing love talks about trust and faith. It's easy to say that we love God, we know He's in control etc etc.....but have you ever read this verse? Matthew 7:21

“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven."

It doesn't matter how good your words in your prayer every night, it doesn't matter how good is your voice when you sing....all matter is your heart. Do you really live in the words that you speak out? Do you really put 100% of your hope in His hands??? Faith without actions are meaningless...and vice versa.

Having encounter with Jesus might be the best moment in my life. It's not like I'm saying that I'm perfect and I always do everything that I put above. No, I'm still human. I'm sometime also struggling with myself. But, it the decision afterward that matters..whether you give up, or rise up again and keep trying and hold on to your faith in Jesus. Do you want to be in His sight? Do you want His eyes are set on you all the time?? I do! I want to have His attention, I want Him to be the source of my life all the time! Let's commit and I pray that you take the right decision together with me!! :)

Gbu
Ebz

Blessings that I got in my high school..SMAK III

Baru aja gue liat video2 pribadi yang pernah gue buat, salah satunya adalah video yang isinya temen2 SMA gue. Jujur, mau berapa kali liat video itu...ga akan pernah buat gue bosen. It always touches my heart..dan langsung perasaan gue jadi sedih...mungkin salah satu alasan gue jarang liat video itu, karena gue akan menjadi merasa sedih setelah liat videonya. Sedih in a way, gue kangen abis dengan masa SMA gue.

Gue masuk ke SMA BPK Penabur III dengan peringkat yang boleh dibilang cukup jelek. Pas ujian masuk sekolah, gue dapet pringkat D, dimana ga dapet potongan uang pangkal sama sekali. Boleh dibilang pas jaman itu uang pangkal masuk SMAK 3 termasuk mahal sekali untuk sekolah kecil dan ....cukup jelek :p. Sempet terlintas pertama kali untuk ga jadi masuk SMAK 3 dan berpikir untuk masuk ke Kalam Kudus tempat sekolah ngko gue. Tapi, inilah kasih seorang mama...nyokap gue kekeh pingin gue masuk SMAK 3 karena memang kualitas sekolahnya jauh lebih bagus dari Kalam Kudus. And I thank you mom. Perasaan pertama kali masuk situ, gue 100% nervous dan ga pede sama sekali. Di dalam otak gue yang terpikir adalah gue akan bertemu dengan orang2 pinter dan mana bisa gue bersaing sama dia. Dan pasti pergaulan mereka 'cupu2' semua hahahaha..maklum, soalnya SMP gue itu isinya cukup2 berandalan dan cara maen kita pas SMP agak2 'liar' hahahaha..but I loved it. Gue masih inget, hari pertama masuk Smak 3, gue seorang diri di kelas yang masih pake baju SMP sementara yang laen pake baju SMA..hahahaha..asli gue keliatan kayak orang bloon abis...

Tapi...ternyata apa yang ada di benak gue, semua itu salah. Perjalanan hidup gue di Smak 3 ternyata adalah moment yang terbaik yang pernah ada di kehidupan sekolah gue. I found a lot of friends...gue juga bisa cope dengan pelajaran di Smak 3, dan gue bener2 bersyukur..ntah dari mana gue bisa dapet nilai yang lumayan bagus di Smak 3! Jujur, gue bukan anak pinter pas gue SMP. Nilai gue pas2an..dan hanya kasih karunia Tuhan yang membuat gue mendapat nilai yang cukup lumayan selama gue SMA. Di Smak 3 gue bener2 menemukan banyak harta-harta yang ga ternilai.. Guru2 yang hebat2 dan baik hati...aktivitas sekolah yang sangat menarik2 (Class meeting dan pengalaman tak terlupakan, Stacatto- pentas seni yang pertama di SMAK 3 , dimana gue terlibat menjadi ketua perlengkapan). Di Smak 3 juga gue belajar lebih lagi tentang Kristus..dari guru inggris gue yang bernama Ms.Martha...dan terakir, I found my true friends. I amaze kalau sampai sekarang banyak dari kita yang masih saling kontek mengkontek, bahkan sampai pergi bareng! Gue seneng banget kalau tali persahabatan kita ga terputus saat kita uda ga satu sekolah lagi. Gue juga bertemu dengan guru les yang terbaik yang pernah ada, Bu Golda dan Pak Erwin..Ergomats. Gue bener2 berasa...they are my second parents. Ga cuma sebatas mengajar pelajaran skolah, tapi juga mengajar pelajaran kehidupan..dan perhatian mereka juga ga sebatas guru dan murid..tapi kadang kita anak2 ergomats, bisa menganggap mereka seperti orang tua kita sendiri...Such a blessing...

Gue sampai sekarang belom pernah tau bagaimana rasanya mempunyai seorang teman sejati, dimana teman itu bisa disebut sebagai sahabat. Agak susah buat gue untuk percaya kalau di dunia ini ada yang namanya sahabat sejati...tapi selama gue di SMA, gue belajar...bahwa mungkin sahabat memang ada. At least, gue sudah menemukan teman-teman yang telah mengisi tempat di hati gue. Kita seneng bareng, dihukum bareng (teriak2 di lapangan olahraga pas kelas 1-2 hahahaha)..gangguin guru bareng2...hahahaha..Oh I miss those moments...

I wrote this blog as a appreciation for God's blessings...yaitu engkau teman2 SMA ku! Mungkin kita ga akan pernah berkumpul seperti dulu lagi...ga akan pernah bisa gue rasa. Tapi...you guys left a mark in my heart, and those memories...no one would be able to erase it or exchange it. Satu mimpi yang harus kita kerja bersama, kita harus jadi orang sukses. Tanpa mengandalkan kekuatan kita sendiri, tapi mengandalkan kekuatan Tuhan...dan juga bekerja sama dengan orang-orang yang di taro di sekitar kita dengan sikap yang adil dan jujur.

Friends..I would love to meet you all again when I come back to Indo! Last time was not satisfy enough! hehehee...hopefully next year ;)


Eb

A little bit more about my self , ep:1 - Why I love to write

It's 8:32 PM 26/3/10, when I started to write this blog. I've dedicated my self to, at least, update my blog

once a week. Ya I know, it's not an obligation to do so. However, I want to keep my self writing something

so that I don't lose my passion in writing. Now you must be wondering since when I started to love writing..

It was back then when I was still in High School. I think...it's in year 11 that one day, out of nowhere, I started to write. I started my hobby with writing a..... cerpen (Cerita Pendek)..it's just like a short story for those who don't understand what cerpen is.

The first cerpen I made only consists about 2 pages. Not too long at all. But, starting from there...my passion

in writing has begun. I began to write another cerpen, maybe around 3-4 cerpen that I have made. Then I was thinking "hem..cerpen is too short, I can't develop the story. Maybe..I should start writing a novel?". 

And you are correct! Finally my first novel was created! It only consists of...I think 30 pages. 

Oh trust me, 30 pages of writing are not too hard at all. It's just when you really know what you want 

to write and how you want to develop your story, it will flow like a river. 

And from there, I began to write another one, another one and another one. I really have no idea where did

I get so much time to do so. To be honest, my life during high school was very packed and busy! It's BPK penabur 3, how can you expect not to be busy in that school?? Especially I'm in Science class...not to mention that those in Social class were relax...:p kiddo. I even submitted one of my writing in a magazine. Unfortunately, I did not win..so they did not publish it..o well...

And finally, gradually my life became busier since I moved to Australia to continued my study. You really have to manage yourself in here. Therefore, it's really hard for me to spend some of my time writing in front

of my lappy. And I decided to stop making novels...by writing a final project. I want to write a very long

novel. And I finally managed to finish it! 153 pages of A4.....

Then I stopped writing anything. Many things happened and made me become lazy to write. However, 

the joy of writing, when you started it...it will never go away. Then I decided that I will write again, not like

writing novels or such, but I want to write anything about my life. I started it with writing in Friendster's blog,

Facebook and now, blogger. And I also writing in one of Indonesian Magazine in Australia at the moment.

I never thought that my writing is good, and I was afraid that when people read it, they will just laugh reading

it. But, I realize one thing about writing... a writing is determined good or not by how you can truly express

your feeling in it. Not because your structure is good, the story is awesome, the words you are using

is professional...it's not that. It's judged by how you can truly express what you really want to say in

your writing. That what makes me keep writing up until now, I don't care about how I should write..but

I care more about what I want to express in my writing. 

Now, for those of you who loves to write, keep writing! Spend your time recording the story about

your life...don't be afraid about what people will think about it, just write it down! I might not be the 

best writer, but at least...I'm doing what I love to do.

Happy writing!